To The Mom Pregnant with Her Second

terrified-of-having-second-baby

“All Hell breaks loose when you have your second baby.”

At least, that’s what an article said that I read shortly before Oliver was born.

I don’t know if I’m just lucky, but I’m almost four months in, and that has yet to happen.

As I anxiously awaited the arrival of Oliver, I clung to the days I had left with just my firstborn. I kept (selfishly) thinking how I loved our life how it was right now.  I felt guilty that my new baby wouldn’t get the same undivided attention Jack had gotten for so long.

It had taken me a long time to want to have another child after Jack. My pregnancy with him was difficult (from morning sickness to depression and being in school the whole time.) While he was, and has always been a sweet child, his first few years were difficult.

I worried about how Jack would handle things. He seemed to understand that we were having a new baby – and he seemed rather excited. But I couldn’t help but wonder if he really understood what was going on.

Sometimes I think I underestimated him. To be honest, I think he was more ready for it than I was.

jack-and-oliver

I also worried about how I would handle caring for and loving two tiny human beings.  I knew I loved Jack SO much, and I didn’t think it was quite possible for me to love another child as much.

Well, those fears washed away as soon as he was laid on my chest. I was even more relieved when Jack met Oliver for the first time. From the moment he first met him, he’s been so caring and gentle.

jack-o-me

For weeks after Oliver was born, Jack would tell me, “I’ve just waited so long for Oliver. I’m so happy he’s in our family.”

I’ve only been a mom of two for a few months, so I can’t give you all the advice in the world about having two children. I’m sure we have many ups and downs ahead.

But what I can tell you is that it will be okay. Yes, there will be hard days. I’m sure I have plenty ahead. But there’s nothing sweeter than seeing your oldest child become an older sibling, and the good days far outweigh the bad. My mom always tells me that the greatest gift they gave their children was each other – and I am starting to understand why she thinks that.

You may feel guilty at times that you can’t give either child 100% of your time. In the beginning, a lot of that attention will have to be toward your baby. And that’s okay. Just remember that sometimes you will have to choose which child to attend to – just make sure that sometimes, you choose the oldest child first (these parent-child mini date kits are a great way to connect with them!)

And the thing is – you don’t have to divide your attention all the time. Involving your older child in the care of the baby can be such a sweet experience. Allow your children to bond – keep your new baby safe, but don’t be afraid to let your older child help.

Through the three short months that I’ve had two children, I’ve discovered this – the heart has an infinite capacity for love. You’ll love your new child so much – and you might find yourself loving your older child even more as you see them become an older brother or sister.

So, if you find yourself pregnant with your second child and terrified to death…I promise it will be okay. No experience you read online dictates how yours will be. Not even this one. But go forward with a little courage and a positive outlook, and you might just be surprised. Trust yourself. Trust your child.

One day soon, you’ll ask yourself, “How did we ever live without this child?”

 

 

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30 Comments

  • So this for sure made me tear up. Seriously, having two is amazing! There's really nothing to worry about. You'll adjust and figure things out and then you'll wonder what you did with one kid! We hit a rough patch between three and four months, but since then, it's really been fine having two! And now I'm starting to think about having a third!!
  • I'm not pregnant with number two yet, but we are thinking about it. I have been so terrified. This helped put my mind at ease. Thank you for sharing.
  • I'm not pregnant with baby #2 yet, but I am so happy to have found this post. You talked about the very things that have made me feel slightly hesitant before. Thank you.
  • Wow . Your words were very touching . I am currently pregnant with my second child , & to know that I'm not the only one with those fears feels great ! You gave me a great outlook & im looking forward to this new journey ! Thank you !
    • Thank you so much for commenting. I'm so glad that you enjoyed this post. Having two children comes with its difficulties, but it's truly a beautiful ride. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
  • Thank you for this! Hubby and I are discussing having a second baby after a very hard pregnancy, labour/c-section, anxiety, PPD and PTSD. While I want to be realistic about the struggles I'm finding myself totally terrified. Thank you for your honesty and optimism. :)
  • Thank you for these amazing uplifting words. I am scared and nervous for baby number 2 esp since they'll only be a year and a half apart, but I know everything will work out. Glad I came across this post, feels good to be able to relate. :)
  • Thank you, thank you! I'm due with my second baby in August. My daughter is three and while she's the absolute love of my life, she was a very high demand baby. I moved continents when she was a few weeks old and spent months, if not years, quite unhappy. I've been so scared of having this occur again and this article gives me so much comfort! I'm very excited but it's definitely been tempered with fear. This has helped me!
  • Thank you ever so much for sharing! I'm not pregnant with number two yet but we are talking about it and this post has made me excited to have a second.. I never thought about "watching your firstborn grow into an older sibling" thing ☺️ It's making my heart melt just thinking about it ??
  • I read this at just the right time. My little man will be a big brother and I've been watching our weeks together of just me and him slip by so fast. It has kept me up at night hoping everyone adjusts well and thinking of all the care a newborn needs. But I think you're right, we underestimate how much our children understand at times. And he definitely seems as excited as can be. Thanks for sharing this.
  • I remember feeling so guilty when I was about to have my second baby because my first's life would be so traumatizingly different and my mom told me not to feel bad because I was giving her the best gift that I would ever be able to give her - a sister. I think about that a lot now that I have four of them. It's so true! Thanks for the post.
  • I just want to say thank you so much! I've always been terrified to have another child. I love my first so much that I didn't think it was possible to love another. I'm terrified about how my baby will react to no longer being the baby. After Reading this, my heart and mind are calm.
    • It makes me happy that I could play a small part in helping you to feel more confident and calm about baby number 2. It is hard to imagine ever loving another child the same, but it's amazing how easily it comes =)
  • Beautiful. I *just* POAS and found out I am pregnant with my 2nd through our 3rd round of IVF. Your article reminds me of how so many people freaked me out with my first that we would never sleep again, not be able to travel etc and it has been fine. You assurance helps me. What's the age difference btw?
    • Thank you! Congratulations on your pregnancy and your successful IVF - I can only imagine the emotions involved with that! I'm glad that this post resonated with you. One year in, and life is better than ever. My boys are 3.5 years apart.
  • I am the proud mom of two amazing boys, now 2 and 5. I love your honesty. I went through the same fears and hesitations, but now could not imagine my life without these two amazing kids. Your heart has the incerdible capacity to not only love a second but expand to fully include that new little life. My boys seem to be made for each other; so different but so complementary. Thank you for writing this, we all need to be reminded and confirmed that the fears are real but pushing though is soooo worth it!
    • Thank you for taking the time to comment - it means so much to me. I'm about a year into having two kiddos now, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Like you said, my boys seem made for each other, and even when some days are hard, it is so worth it. Seeing my Jack become a big brother has been one of the sweetest experiences.
  • Love this! Everything I read seems so negative, but this post made me feel a bit more excited and less nervous about the arrival of baby 2 in about a month. Thanks for sharing your experience.
    • I'm so happy to hear that :) It really is a wonderful time. My son, Oliver, is now 16 months, and it really just gets better each month.

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